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I find though as time goes on, my mind continues to race thinking about it happening for real. Every time I try and talk to her about it, she gets kind of upset and tells me no way. Finally one day, I take a piece of paper and I write on it. This is a permission slip for one time for Tracy to take a black man as her lover but I must be present to observe. I sign it, give it her. I tell her there, you now have proof that I said it was OK. She takes it, acts like she is going to rip it up, looks at me and tells me, you never know. The folds it nicely and places it in her jewelry cabinet hidden away. Turns around, kisses me and says she has to get making dinner. After three years of making love and going further and further into black dildos, black porn, and black talk, she is still adamant that it will stay as a fantasy only and has no interest in actually doing it. I do notice at times though where she will go with the fantasy and have fun with it. At a recent stop at Home Depot, we. " We had a few drinks and at the first moment of awkward silence I whispered "You're beautiful." Jimmy!" she squealed, "I'm like your big sister!" She reached across the table to caress my face just as Julian arrived with appetizers that we didn't order. "Stuffed Zucchini Flowers," he said, "I made them myself." I could have killed him.We decided to go back to my place for dessert. I had a car and driver waiting. "So Jimmy," she said, as she slid against me in the back seat, "tell me, did you think I was beautiful when you were a teenager or did you think I was a bitch?" I thought you were a goddess. I dreamt about you for years. You were the ideal woman by which all other women would be judged." Like Svetlana?" Svetlana who?"I live in the Time Warner building, facing Columbus and the park. She was impressed. The table was set. Champagne on ice. "Show me your bedroom," she said without a hint of shyness. "You can tell a lot about a man from his bedroom." I dimmed the lights slightly.
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